4chords
by carcinomas
Summary: Masterfully rewritten for the ages.
1. pregnancy pact

~Karkat The Baby Sagas~

The story of how a young man and another young man have a...bebe~

It was cold story day (cuz its 4chords)  
>karkat sit in living room<br>he wrapped up in blanket cuz its cold  
>he wait for kawaii husbando to cum home<p>

door opens  
>he look up<br>"gamzee is that u"  
>gamzee nod<br>"is me"

karkat smile reasuuringly

"it nice see you, how work was?"  
>gamzee dropped guitar by door because 4chords u dumb bitch<p>

"it nice day. i get extra tip. i also shop for grocery"

"thank u i needed dat"

kakat watch tv while gamzee prepare dinnar  
>it gamzee turn to cook this week<p>

once dinner ready they sit at table to eat  
>gamzee eat food<br>karkat eat food as well

gamzee look up from plate masged potato  
>"so kakat"<br>"yes?"  
>"i was thinking...we be 2tgether for while now...i think we take next step"<p>

karkat drop fork of mashed potato  
>gamzee want take next step<br>karkat not ready  
>he blush<p>

"gamzee idk if i wamnt sex yet"  
>gamzee frown<br>"karkat"  
>"gamzee"<br>"i not ready for sex i only virgin after all"  
>gamzee smirk slyly<br>"i chang dat for u..."

that night  
>they have<br>sex  
>karkat bite pillow in pain<br>gamzee forgot lube sorry :'(

~*the next day*~  
>karkat lay in bed<br>he wake up  
>he feel rejuvinated<br>he feel like every woman  
>he wake up and sing "im every woman its all in meeeee"<br>anyway he gets up 2 pee

as he go pee he pause  
>he feel sick<br>he look around  
>where gamzee...<p>

shaking head he go 2 pee  
>instead he DROPS TO HIS KNEES<br>he leans over toilet  
>he THROW UP<br>screaming and vommiting he feel like Ke$ha  
>except he did not wake up feeling like the p of the diddy<p>

once he done he wipe mouth  
>"how weird...maybe mashed potato were bad..."<p>

karkat get up and go 2 werk  
>but he flushes the toilet because that shit is NASTY LHH<p>

SMH at karkat because that shit is NASTYYYYYYYYYY

after wekr gamzee come home  
>karkat hunched over toilet vomitting<p>

gamzee run to karkat  
>karkat look up at gamzee<p>

"gamzee i think..."

"yes karkat wat"

"i is pregnants..."

say whaaat


	2. el big problemo in da famiry

gamzee not believe what he hear

karkat was pregnants

this not possible

karkat be boy

they only make love once

how this come 2 be

gamzee shake head

he scared

he not ready be father

"karkat r u sure ur pregnants"

karkat glare

"no shit fuckass" (cuz 4chords remember dis)

"karkat describe pregnancy feeling"

karkat try and sit up

but he throw up again (swear to god he like ke$ha)

"fuck" he say

he stand and walk to living room

he sit on couch

"karkat i sorry i not know u lady"

karkat scream

"gamzee u dumb nigger i not lady i 200 percent MAN!111"

gamzee flinch

karkat must be on period

he sigh

"i go to work nao..."

he leave house

his feeling hurt

karkat sit on couch

he touch stomach

he not believe he pregnant (but it 4chords everthing happen in 4chord)

he not think it possible

sighing he turn on tv

oprah on

he like oprah

oprah make karkat feel safe

today topic on oprah

teen pregnancy

karkat be 19

gamzee be 24 or some shit (idk its 4chords bitch u figure it out)

as karkwat watch oprah

he think

"maybe i go to clinic..."

karkat grab hoodie (they wear so many damn hoodies holyshit)

he put hoodie on and leave

oprah still play on tv...

~*at da clinic*~

karkat sit in waiting room

he surronded by a bunch of cholas and they babie daddies wow ok

and some ghetto women but who care lol

anyway it turn for karkat

doctor call him in office

karkat go in office

he sit down

doctor close door

"hello mr vantas how r u 2day"

"i fine"

"what bring u to office"

"i think..."

doctor nod

"i be pregants..."

doctor raise eyebrow

"wtf dumbass white boy u cant be pregnant ur a GUY DURRRRR"

karkat glare

"look i pregnant!1"

doctor shoo karkat out office

karkat run out crying

no one believe he pregnant

he go to every clinic in town

no one believe

he go home

he crey

he sit in bed and crey

gamzee cum home fum werk

he hear creys

he run upsters

karkat in bed crey

"karkat wat is wrong"

karkat look up his eye red

"no one not help me...no one believe me pregnant"

gamzee sit in bed

"karkat i...not ready 2 be father..."

karkat sniffs (eww snot everywhereFUCK)

"u want abortion?"

"no!1111 we raise bby tgether...like tru family..."

"like bill cosby family. gamzee kun?"

gamzee nod

"like bill cospy."

they cuddeled then porked the end

chapter 3 cumin soon


	3. oh nogamzee no

months go by

many many months

karkat stomach grow bigger

he no leave house

in fear of what society may say

karkat stay indoor

watch oprah

eat ice cream

eat sandiwch with peanut btter and ham

karkat pregnany

6 month and 12 day pregant he be

gamzee grow nervous

he not ready be father

karkat grow depressed

*~one kawaii day~*

karkat get ready 2 leave hiuse

he want ultra sound

gamzee look up at him from bed (because 4chords how many tiem must i tell u u dumb bitch)

"karkat where u goiing"

"i want ultra sound i want know if we have boy or girl god forbid we have a girl (because hetero doesnt exist in homestuck aus rememberdis)"

gamzee jumop to his feet

"u want ultra sound? ppl think u crazy!"

karkat shout

"i want know what kid be god gamzee quit ruinin mi life"

with that karkat run out door

creyin

but on the way to da clinic he picks up sum ice cream (he like ice cream all pregnant bitches eta it)

once he at clinic he way

ppl stare

"look at dat stomach ho mah gawrd"

"dayumn boy u pregant"

karkat ignore glances and ppl stares

he nervous

hands shake

doctor open door

"mr vantas pls cum in its time for ur ultra sound"

karkat go in office

he lay back on table thingy

he raise up shirt

doctor put stuff on stomach

he put thing on stomach

bby kicks

karkat smiles

"doctor tell me what in my stomch boy or girl"

doctor look at screen

"u have bby girl"

"GODDAMMIT FUCK OKAY FINE WOW OKAY I GUESS I'LL LOVE THIS KID OR WHATEVER LOL FUCK"

doctor shrug

"u may go now"

karkat leave clinic

he so happy tho

he skip home like anime school girl

on the way home he get maor ice cream and kfc (this nigga is PREGNANT REMEBER)

once he home he push door open

"gamzee i home"

gamzee sit on couch

he not watch oprah

he angry

"gamzee wat wrong"

"i tell u wat wrong!11"

karkat drop kfc bucket

"gamzee kun...,,,,,?"

"i not ready for child i like cheating on u wit tavros"

karkat stare

"u WAT"

"i sorry..."

"u cheat on me wit tavros u dumb piece ofshit OMG"

gamzee look down

"i sorry...i not ready be fathe...tavros need me...u kno he in wheelchair..."

"gamzee i need u i am PREGNANT!"

"i not care tavros need me more"

"gamzee no111"

"i sorry...UFCK u AND THAT BABY!"

with that gamzee grabs the kfc bucket and EATS TEH CHICKEN IN KARKATS FACE OH MAH GAWRD

and leaves angrily

karkat sit there holding stomach

no...gamzee...creys...

karkayt crey

he have no bby daddy

he alone

no one there for him )':

karkat slowly climbs onto couch holding stomach

he whisper 2 bby gurl

"shh...it ok...mommy here..."

karkat crey

worst day evr

plus it his birthday

wow...


	4. the baby dady chronicles

karkat just not believ what happen

his bby daddy left him liKE WOW

plus he pregnt plus it his birthday like wow god bless america

anyway day go by

he go see his friend kanaya

she a big lesbian lmoa

she be like

"since when was u pregnang"

"since 6 month ago dumb bITCH"

kanaya sigh she make tea for both she and karkta

they sit and drink it the tea

she speeak

"karkt what problem seem 2 be?"

"my baby daddi left me can u believe this"

"oh gurl" kanaya say

"gurl i kno" karkta reply

karkat drank his tea and groan

fuck my life eh think to himself

anyway they talk about shit karkat be like "ok i gotta go cook dinnre im hugyrn"

knaaya nod

karkat leave

he walk down street

his head hang low

anyhow he rtuen return home and guess what he see

gamzee on de couch

with trvaros tavros omFG GAMZEEE!11

gamzee look up quickly

karkat glaere

"gamzee who da fuck is dis?"

"um dis tavros"

"tavro the guy in chair wit wheels?"

"er duhhhhr"

karkat scream loud

"gamzeeeeEEEEE KUNNNNNNNN"

"kaarkat sTFU DAMMIT"

karkat run toward tavros

tav scraem

gamzee throw self in front tavros

"g-g-gamzee u baka MOVE" karkat shout

"no karkat i not let u hert him i luv him why you not understabd?"

"actually fuckass no i dont so telll this dirty ass to lEAVE"

gamzee glare at karkat

"karkat NU"

screAMING karkat atacks gamzee and slaps him

gamzee is SHOCKED holyWOIW

so then karkat turn 2 tavros

tavros scared he not move he piss hisself

"karkat wait i..."

"NUUUUU!11 u stole mi boyfriend i hATE YOU DAMMIT SCREAMS AAAAAAH"

"KAREKAT STOP AAAH" tavros scramed

tavros fall 2 floor while gamzee try 2 stand

karkat kick gamzee

then karkat FALL

"oh nu...nu..." karkat mumble

"gamzee i so weak but why would u do this 2 me...?"

gamzee stand and lift tavro bridal style

"karkat i-"

"gamzee NU why u do this to mi? i thought i ur baby mama...we be so good 2gether u kno?"

gamzee le sigh

"gamzee pls dont leave meh for him please no...no..." he crey and crey

gamzee walk away

he stop in tracks

before he go he whisper

"i want my kfc back u dumb whore"

and leave

dun dUN DUN...


	5. god bless red lobser

once again karkat lay on floor in pain because of gamzee wow doe

karkat push self up from grpund

he stare out window

"gamzee kun... he whisper to self

"no what i do i be so alone god help me" karkat pray

so sunday come around

kanaya walk to his and be like "karkat u need jesus let us go prayer"

karkat put on best chruch outfit and go wit kanaya to prey

they sit in church while pastor preach to ppl

"god bless america"

churh is over they leave but as kanaya and karkat leave cherch guess who they see

gamzee and tav

"AAAAH" KARKAT SCREAM

kanaya scream too

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA H"

they both scream

but kanaya stop and say "karkat pls calm down forget gamzee and tavro"

"no kanaya thats mi baby daddy i canntot"

kanaya take his arm and they leave for brunch

as they eat karkat sob while he stuff egg in mouth

"boo hoo" he say

kanaya frown

"karkat i sorry life not good rite nao it gets better i promise"  
>karkat look at kanaya 4 moment<p>

"really?"

"yes rlly kakay i believe in u ok"

"yea i guess"

"u dont need gamzee beside he just a baka gaijin..."

kakat not

he understand

he need new bby daddy

"so i have dis friend..." kanaya say

"what name be"

"name be eridan"

karkat spit out caffee

"u mean that butt muncher from highh school?"

"yea he single now ..."

karkat think for moment

"idk he still look hawt?"

"yea" kanaya reply as she eat egg bacon

"hm karkat think to himself...

"maybe i ask this homie out" karkat sey

kanaya le nod it seem like good idea go 4 it she whisper

karkat nod

xxXX later on that night XXxx

karkat sit in red lobster

he dressed in nice cozy black sweeter with gray pants and shoes

he sit and munch on cheedar biscuit while sipping wine

karkat wait for eridan

eridan come

he look at karkat

eridan have blonde hair with purple streak and blonde pornstache

he sexy

"ur name be karkat am i right"

karkat blush

he say yes

b-b-blush... karkat blushing

eridan sit and grin

he so sexy holy shit wow

karkat blush as eridan sit across from him

"so karkat tell me how u be tonight" eridan say with wink

"i be fine just mad u know how it be"

"no i dont"

"well okay lemme tell u about bein a bby mama its ahrd ok because teh bebeh daddy left me for some buttlicker name tavro so u kno i is mAD girl"

"how shame"

"i kno"

"karkat i have question"

"yea"

"will u.,,,,," eridan slowly pull out a small box

karkat gasp

"omg eridan are u...srs..."

"yea marry me pls i love u ur so beautiful you not deserve be treated this way we take care of bby together"

karkat cry and throw self at eridan

eridan embrace

karkat embrace

"i lov u eridan,,,,"

"i lov u karkat"

and they fucked

t b continued...


	6. tears and kfc and watermolen

karkat and eridan be in love

they have mad romance sessions late night

they play r kelly in the background while they make de love

anyways eridan have amazin job he major fashin designr

karkat model cloths

eridan make line for preogannt women

karkat model that as well

they r so in luv

they make love evrhwehre

but one day as eridan leave 4 werk

karkat get up and go to potty

when he pee he piss blood

he scrame

"AAAAAaaaaHAHHHHH"

omfg i have miscarriage i so sad karkat think 2 self...

he put on clothes and walk to clinic

once he there he sit

he wait

for name 2 be

called

once name call he get up

walk 2 ofice

sit on that thingy they make you sit on when ur at the doctors

he look at doctor

"why i bleed so much"

doctor take blood sample

"brb i examine blood"

karkat wait while he wait he watch 30 minute meals w/ rachel ray

he think to self...

"i cook dat 4 eridan when i go hoem"

idk rachel ray is okay i just like her eggs with basil anyway

doctor come back

"um mr vantas i have bad news"

"Omfg doctor what is it dont tell me i lose bby to misscarriage..."

"no oh god no" doctor say

scary thought ugh

"no u have...gonorrhea"

whAT

karkat shake head no

"no no"

"i sorry mr vantas we can do retest idk "

doctor shrug

"hope u enjoy rachel ray"

karkat screams very loudly

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo oOOOooooOOOOooOOOOoooOOO:

he run out clinic screamin

he scrams

"no no i have std or aids or whatever sob sob why doe"

he run home

he throw self on couch and touch baby stomach

"what i do i not want u born with std"

he crey and crey

what he do

he then watch oprah

as he watch her eridan walk home

he scratch his groin

"hey karkst how day was"

"u BASTARD BAKA!"

karkat scream as he throw pillow at eridan

"why u not tell me u have gonorrhea ?!"

"omfg how did u KNOW?""

karkat glare

"i went 2 get tested i piss blood early morming today"

eridan silent

karkat silent

"karkat i.."

"eridan whAT"

eridan hand shake

"karkate look i sorry but i just want sumone 2 luv me and i scared 2 tell u cuz u leave"

karkat stare 4 long moment...

eridan face ground

he scratch his crotch again

karkat sob

"eridan my bby have std now"

he creys

eridan feel bad

feel horrible

"karka...we get married 2 morrow nite..."

"r u srs eridan omg"

"yes we can spend forever 2gehther with our duaghter"

"yes" karkat nod

he ready for new future with new husband

he so happy with eridan he jizz

they make love ewww gross

xxXXXX else where xxxXXXXX

gamzee and tavros play call of duty

as they play tavro gets text mssg

it frum ex gurlfiend vriska

she be like

"omfg tavro we invited 2 dis totally awesome wedding bluh bluh"

tavro text back

"who wedding it be"

"omg karkat and eridan frum high skool get married eeeek"

"omg r u srs,,,"

tavro drop phone

he slowly turn 2 gamzee

"um gamzee kun"

"what"

"karkat...get married 2 morrow night...we invite..."

gamzee drop pizza rolls

"for real tho"

"yea for real duh"

gamzee angry

he mad

he stand and glare at tavro

"nU I CANNOT" he screms

he run out door

and to kfc

he buys it and sit in his car and eats while crying,,,,,


	7. kawaii Quinceañera

karkat so happeh

he be marry this upcomin evening

he blush at thought

"i so...happeh..." he mumble

he sit on couch

kanaya be puttin weave in his hair 4 wedding he be so excitie

kanaya hum song

"kakrkat congrats u get married"

karkat happy

"yes omfg im so excited kananaya u not understand ..."

"i not tho"

"i just...i not kno it no feel right becuz i kinda luv gamze kun still?"

kanaya gasp

"no karkat nu"

karkat crey his mascara off

"i-i-i-i not know what i want anymore...i luv eridan but i luv gameez too liek what do i do"

kanaya shrug "come on leme finish ur weave"

karkat think he wodner what do

XXXXxxxLATER DAT NITE xxxXXXXX

karkat dress in dress liek beyonce

he feel sexy his hips show he truly hawt n dangerous

every1 be at eridan house for wedding

karkat nervisy  
>veroeur<br>nervous

he shake

kanaya cumf rom behind him

she plaec hand on shoulder

"karkt u not get maaried if not want to.." she whisper

karkat shaek head "no kanaaya i must marrie eridan its time i move on frum gamzee kun im so done wit him"

kanaya nod

"dont worrie,,,u be fine..."

karkat nod "well it time..."

xxxXXXX later dat evening xxxXXXX

gamzee and tavro be on way 2 weddin

gamzee drive thru taco belle

he order loco taco and munch

tav stare

"gamz.."

"tav tho?"

"r u in luv wit karkat still"

gamzee choke on taco

"i...i..."

tav gasp

"u DO DONT U?!"

tav screm and slap gamzee

gamzee scrame  
>"TAV DNOOWOOW"<p>

gamzee open apssnegr door

he throw tav out WHILE HE DRIVE

tav fall in street

"why u nO LUV ME NO MOOOORE? WHAT I DO?"

"i go gET MY BABY MAMA NOW" gamzee screeeams and zooms away into the sun

gamzee go 2 get bby MAMA

xxx xxxx at teh weding xxx xxxxx

karkat wear kawaii flowing white dress

he fell sugoi

he blush as walk down asiel

eridan wait 4 him at altar with purple suit on and black shoe

he smile

he happy 2 get married  
>"eridan mi luv..."<p>

karkat show[prr whisper

as he walk down asile ppl crey

kanaya crey "omfG karkat gettn married i so happeh congrats mi babu"

karkat sob as he stand at altar

priest spek

"do u eridan take ckarkte to be ur lawfully wedding wife..." he ask

"i doOOO" eridan say

"ands do u karkat taek eridan 2 be husbandu"

karkat look 2 eridan...he have GONORRHEA...he not know what want...

HIV or gamzee...decision hard...he look at priest

"i..."


	8. ding dong plot twist

karkat look between erdian and pastdir  
>pastor<br>karkaty look 2 feet  
>he not know who he want<br>eridan and stds...or gamzee and kfc...

the ultIMATE choice...

"i...i..."

gamzee look karkat  
>eridan look at karkat<p>

"yes...?" they say

"i have confeshion"

every1 gasps  
>"i has confeshion ok first off gamzee da baby is not urs"<p>

eridan gasps kanaya gasps we all gasps damn nigga wtf

"who baby it be" gamzee aksss

"the bbyt...the bby is dave strrders"

gamzee scREAMS  
>eridan glare "WHAT TEH SHIT U DICK FACE?"<p>

karkjat take step back

"i explan..." he mumble

gamzee drop kfc...  
>from kfc bucket...<br>dropped a weding ring,,,,,,,

"i...i luved u omf"" gamzee say  
>karkat look away<br>he not know what say

"i sorry...its always beend ave"

and then  
>outta nowhere<br>da pastor rips off clothes

its dave

everyone screams  
>gamzee hella mad<br>eridan faint like bitch

"sup" dave say

karkat run 2 dave and throw self in arm  
>sadly he miss and land on stomach<p>

more gasps!

dave chuckle

"lol jk come here bitch"

"fuCKING SHIT dave goddamnIT" karkat say as he stands  
>he hug dave<br>dave return hug

"omfg swear 2 god karkat r u srs" gamzee ask

karkat shrug and flip hair (remember he has weave its 4chords anything possibel)

"duh of course i is"

"da fuck u mean?" gamzee asksks

"i mean iw as nevur vurgin first i lie to get the D"

everyone in gasps again

"WHAT?!1"  
>"i nevr loved you i was jus usin u for ur kfc and housing while dave was away on biszness trip"<p>

gamzee fall 2 knee  
>"why......(why)"

karkat turn head

"im sorry gamze but shashay away"

gamzee heartborken  
>he not what do<br>he think baby was his  
>baby not<br>it dave strider  
>stadning he run out of church and outsdie<p>

kanaya shake head  
>"karkat im so disappinted in you how could u"<p>

karkat dramatically turn 2 kanayya  
>"what u mean"<p>

"i thougt u luvd eridan...u made him faint"

"kay idc"

"karkat tho,,,,,,"

"anaya pls fuck that bitch ass nigga he fainted like a bitch why would i marry a bitch"

the entire church like

"OOOoOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

eridan waek up  
>he rub head<p>

he cant believe dis shit

"karkat pls...i gave u...gonorrhea...we had connection..."

"okay and?"

eridna crey  
>he not kno what do<br>this suck hella bad

he pushes self 2 feet and runs off in anime tears (liek a bitch)

dave slip arm around karkat waitst

"lets blo this popsickle stand..."

dave threw up gangs signs and teleported w/ karkat

kanaya sigh  
>"dammit...all that weave wasted..." she mumble<p>

XXXXXXXXxxxxxXXXXXXXXxxxxxxXXXXXXXxxxxxXXXXXXxxxxx xXXXXX  
>[l8r...dat week...]<p>

eridan lay in bed  
>he crey<br>he eat ben and jerrys ice creams cuz he so sad  
>he cookie dough and ice cream<p>

he get fat  
>develop acne (like me when i get sad)<br>dave was his arch rivanl

eridn slowly moneyf rom fashopn job  
>he no longer live in studoo apartment<br>he poor as shit now  
>poor AND heartbroken...<p>

kanaya try 2 help  
>it no use<br>he so sad and heartbroken

kanaya eventually give up  
>she never visist again<p>

karakt on the other hand live happly with dave-kun  
>they marriaged<p>

dave love karkat verry much  
>karkat love dave verry much<br>they exciyted 4 baby

they even have name for girl

her name is...  
>roSE! nmed afetr dave's sister (who is a huge time lesbian)<p>

they love babyrose very much  
>she be born reall soon...<p>

but 4 now karkat rest peacefull with dave...


	9. the rETURN

it be a long while  
>days go by<br>eventually week  
>then month<p>

kartakat and dave ahev HAVE success relatiosnhip  
>the baby girl rose is beautiful child<br>such child so pretty SHE IS CUTE  
>movign on<p>

karkat feed baby one day while dvae at work  
>dave come home<br>he angry  
>"KARKAT" he screm<br>jkarkat almost drop rose  
>"omg wtf is w rONG with you i am FEEDING this CHILD!" he shout<br>bby rose wake up  
>she cry<br>cry hella loud

karkat groan n rock hte baby  
>"wat" he say<br>dave sit on couch  
>pull out cig<br>he smoke

"we need talk"  
>"what 4?"<p>

dave le sigh sigh  
>"well" he begin<p>

"i...sigh/...i sa w gamzee 2day at walmart"  
>"why were u at wal-mart when ur supposed 2 be workING?"<br>"look tat is NOT important rn okay lemme tell u what i saw..."

karkat sit on couch w/ bby  
>"wat u see"<p>

"he be so skinny n tired. he be bones n skin. he lose weight."

karkat shrug

"kay and?"

"i think...he miss u..."

karkat roll eyes

"why should i care? lmao he fool 4 falling for me anyway let him rot"

dave sigh  
>he get up<br>he look out window

"...i looked into gamzee's shopping cart."

karkat paused and lowered bby rose

"..what did u see?" krkat ask

"gamzee didnt buy faygo"

KAKRAT SCREAMED DFYUEDHJ

"he REALLY is ssicik!"

karkat ran out door  
>he had 2 see gamzee<p>

what wrong? what happen?/


End file.
